I started to officially mentor when I was a sophomore at Western Michigan University. I picked a program in Kalamazoo that worked with children who had been sexually abused. I enjoyed working with children and wanted to participate in a mentoring program close to campus. The training was intense! We talked about mentoring issues, boundaries, working with families, sexual abuse and its effects, etc. After the training, the mentor coordinator (who was a part-time volunteer for the program), called me to tell me about a girl I’ll refer to as Laney. After hearing that Laney had been sexually abused by her step-brother and was acting out towards her other siblings in the house, I decided to meet with her to see if it was a good match.
After meeting her, I couldn't say no. She was so cute! A little 7 year old with long blonde hair and the biggest blue eyes. She seemed so innocent and scared. I made a commitment to meet with Laney for two hours per week, for one year. The first time I went to pick her up from her house, I had mixed feelings. The house was absolutely disgusting. It was dirty, it smelled and there were pets running all around. She came out of her room looking very different than what she had looked like at the match meeting. She had mix-matched dirty clothes on, dirt on her face and she smelled like she hadn't bathed in a couple days.
During the first visit (and many after), I had to keep the window cracked in my car to keep the smell from making me cry. I wanted to cry because not only was the smell rancid, but I also felt so bad for this little girl. But I didn't feel bad for too long. I informed Laney's therapist, who had no idea the house was in such poor condition. Laney's therapist started to address the issue with Laney's mom, and I started working with Laney. We would go to the library (what a great, free resource for mentors) and we would get age-appropriate books on hygiene. I took her swimming at the YMCA at least a dozen times. When we finished swimming and as we prepared to leave, we would talk about what we do in the morning and night to get ready. One year for her birthday I let her pick out a kids bath set, with soap, shampoo and conditioner.
Over the 2 years Laney and I spent together, we dealt with issues related to Laney's hygiene, trust and our boundaries. Next week I hope to share more about my time with Laney, especially about some of the fun things we did together!
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