Pass It Forward

[#1]

Another boundary that is so important to establish from the beginning is time. I think it’s okay to let your mentee know that you are volunteering your time and that you are not paid to see them. Most of our kids are surrounded by people that are “forced” and “paid” to be there: parents, teachers, siblings, doctors, therapist, etc. A mentor is someone who chooses to spend their time with the child, and I think it’s important the child knows this. By explaining your time commitment to the child, it will let them know the importance of keeping their commitment and being on time.

Time boundaries involve how often you are willing to meet with the child, how much time you spend together each outing, how much time you spend writing emails, texts or calling each other. If the program you belong to has set boundaries of when to meet with the child and how often, I suggest you stick to those guidelines for several reasons. First of all, the children in the program talk to each other. If one child finds out that another child’s mentor spends twice as long together, they may question their own mentor or ask the staff. Another reason to follow the boundaries is because your schedule can change and you may no longer be able to continue to meet with your mentee like you used to.

Some questions to think about before you are matched or to re-evaluate if you’ve been meeting for awhile: what will I say if I’ve already seen my mentee for the week and they call to come pick them up? What do I say if my mentee does not want to go home? I think the best thing to do in these situations is to first make sure the child’s safety is not an issue. If your mentee sounds upset when calling you and ask that you come get them, rather than saying no right away, maybe you should find out more information. If they say they don’t want to go home, find out why. Is it because they are having a good time with you or is someone at their house hurting them? I think going with your gut feeling is the best option. And ask your Mentor Coordinator for help! If you are able to, call or email them before making a decision.

If your mentee doesn’t show up or is running late, find out the reason. Are they rushing from another appointment to meet you or did they decide to run errands instead of meeting you? I’d suggest addressing the problem with the parent first, before asking the Mentor Coordinator for help. By asking the parent first, you are showing respect, maturity and concern regarding the child and your time. If this behavior continues, then it may be appropriate to mention it to the program.

A suggestion I learned the hard way: call the child while you are on your way to pick them up or meet them. This one phone call may save you a lot of time.